When First We Practice to Deceive
by pargertwo
Summary: Tag to Season 5, Episode 24. Why did Rachel make the choice she did?


**Tag to Season 5 Episode 24.**

Rachel quietly closed the door behind Stan's departing back. The cab to take him to the airport was waiting at the curb. As far as she was concerned, his business meetings in Las Vegas could not have been scheduled for a better time.

Grace was with Danny for the next few days. While he had primary physical custody, Rachel always tried to see her as often as possible. Now her stays on the island were going to be much longer by necessity. The best treatment for HLH was at Shriners Children's Hospital right there on the island. Rachel planned to stay in Hawaii with Charles for the foreseeable future. She had no idea how Stan would handle that, nor did she care.

Rachel locked up the house and headed up the stairs to check on Charles. He was sound asleep in his toddler bed. He was getting to be such a big boy. She then went into the Master Bathroom and turned on the faucets for the huge tub, throwing a large handful of aromatic bath salts into the water. After the tub was filled, she undressed, stepped in, and sank down into the comforting embrace of the warm water.

She then very quietly burst into heaving sobs that caused her slender frame to shake and shake. She put her hand over her mouth to quiet herself, because she really didn't want to wake her sleeping son. How could she have made such a mess of everything?

It had started with one lie shortly after a very pregnant, hormonal and frightened Rachel stood at the airport in Newark, NJ with a sleepy Grace, waiting for her friend Ruthie to pick them up. Rachel had to call Ruthie at the last minute when Danny hadn't arrived for the flight and her calls to him kept going to voicemail.

In the days and weeks to come, she learned of Steve McGarrett's arrest and how hard Danny was working to clear his name. At the time, for her, the whole situation boiled down to the inescapable fact that Danny didn't love them enough. They had not come first. He let his loyalty to his friend supersede everything else in his life. She felt abandoned and alone. She thought she had to attempt to salvage a life for herself and her children that would be safe and secure.

When Rachel decided to tell Stan that the baby was not Danny's, that it was his, all was forgiven and his pursuit to have her return to him and to Hawaii was relentless. She finally felt as though she came first with someone, which was certainly not how Danny had made her feel. So, she let the lie trip off her tongue to Danny and told him that her calculations were wrong, she was farther along than she thought, and the baby was Stan's. She knew Danny was devastated and in a hateful, secret corner of her mind, she felt she had finally hurt him as badly as he hurt her.

As her pregnancy progressed, she realized she had made a huge mistake. She still loved Danny. But she knew that by rejecting him a second time she had irrevocably ruined any chances of ever reuniting with him. She didn't see how she could tell him, 'oops, wrong again. I was right the first time, the baby's yours.' She felt while Danny would have been delighted at that news as a father, there was a good chance he would not re-marry her after he discovered her lie. So, she settled into her role as Mrs. Stanley Edwards, raised her children, kept the house, and was a delightful society hostess.

When Danny had helped her at Charles' delivery, it just about killed her to watch how wonderful he was with her, Grace and the baby and then still not tell him the truth. She was afraid all she would accomplish by telling him would be to lose both Danny and Stan. How would she get by? She had no job. Stan would not be obligated to pay child support. She feared his attorneys would be able to prevent her from receiving alimony. She had been out of the job market for so long and she didn't think she had any marketable skills. Quite simply, by that point, she was afraid to tell the truth and simply saw no good way out of the lie.

When Grace was kidnapped by Rick Peterson, it solidified Rachel's resolve. There was the proof. Danny's job was dangerous. There was never a guarantee he would return home to a wife and children. He could be killed at any time or he could be maimed and then she would have to deal with a cripple and two children. The possibilities frightened her more than she could ever say.

The years passed and while Rachel did not know the love and happiness she had with Danny, she tried to be content. Then Charles had gotten sick and Rachel's world had stopped turning. The diagnosis of HLH was a game changer for her. From that point forward, nothing mattered, other than she move heaven and earth to get her son whatever treatment would give him a chance to live.

So, after they discovered Grace was not a match, she told Stan the truth, there was no need for him to be tested and why. He was livid. She was fairly certain he would be seeing his attorney while he was in Vegas and she would be getting served with divorce papers any day now.

But the absolute worst thing was the look on Danny's face at the playground as he quickly put two and two together and realized she had been lying to him for over three years and that Charles was his son. Danny, a man to whom family and children were of paramount importance. She was not sure he would ever forgive her.

She would have to live with that. He could hate her forever, as long as the results of today's test proved him to be the best match. She was so grateful he had been willing to have the test done despite his anger. She knew if he was the best match, there was no doubt he would have the procedure. If the procedure would save Charles' life, she would do whatever Danny wanted of her.

Rachel finally pulled the drain and let the ice cold water escape the tub. She dried off and put on her pajamas and then lay down in her large, lonely bed and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

 **A/N: I have always liked Rachel and I always liked Danny and Rachel together, even when they were at odds. I hated with the white hot hatred of a thousand exploding suns that the writers chose the portrayal that she had known from the first that Charlie was Danny's child and she chose not to tell him. Why couldn't they have just had it that she and Stan found out when they were both tested for the bone marrow test? So, I wrote this little attempt to explain her choice. I'm going to have much more fun dealing with this new development in my "A Rather Unorthodox Ohana" series of stories. Still working on that.**


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